by rachelthemuse | Oct 1, 2018 | Mental Health, Self-care
Depression is a prevalent mental health condition that many people struggle with either chronically or for a shorter period of time throughout their life. While therapy or medication are common recommendations for treatment, there are also other adjunct treatments that can be used alongside traditional mental health treatment.
Adjunct therapies are not recommendations that are made necessarily as an alternative to traditional therapies. Adjunct therapies for depression are intended to function as supportive methods to compliment primary therapy. While seeing a therapist or psychiatrist for treatment of depression, your treatment provider may also recommend that you engage in activities such as yoga, mindfulness practices, meditation, breathing exercises, or other massage to help you develop a healing mindset and a healthy mind-body connection.
Our bodies are deeply connected to our mental health. Many who have suffered from depression know that your body often responds to depression with symptoms such as fatigue, aches and pains, muscle tension, and sleeping difficulties. Yoga is an adjunct therapy that can be used to both promote and help sustain healing in these areas.
A recent study on depression and yoga from the journal PLOS One found that after 8 weeks, participants with depression who attended a 90-minute hatha yoga practice twice a week had significant reductions in their symptoms of depression. The participants also showed improvement in measures of self-efficacy and self-esteem.
If you want to try using yoga as an adjunct treatment for depression, consider using a similar strategy to help manage your symptoms and see if you find a benefit in the practice. If you have never tried yoga before, don’t be intimidated. You do not have to do any poses that seem too difficult, and there are many resources for beginners. Take the following steps to create a sustainable plan that helps you feel better and doesn’t overwhelm you.
- Commit to trying the practice for at least 8 weeks.
- If you already do yoga, consider whether you can increase the number of sessions you do currently. Twice a week is a good goal to start with.
- Think about time versus number of sessions in regards to what works best for you. If you can only fit in 30 minutes at a time, aim for 3-4 sessions a week. If you can commit to a 90 minute session, twice a week may be fine. Or, consider doing a quick 15 minute practice twice a day if that fits better for you. Whatever you choose, just make sure it feels feasible for you. Some is better than none, so don’t stress too much about it too much, just focus more on being consistent.
- Decide what kind of practice setting works best for you:
- Home yoga with video instruction
- You can buy yoga DVDs to use at home, or you can use a streaming service like GAIA that has yoga instructional videos. Also, YouTube has channels and instructors that do yoga videos, so you can search and find videos that interest you and are at your level.
- Attend a class with an instructor and other students
- Class attendance will usually cost you a fee for studio membership or a per class rate, so you will need to evaluate whether the costs at your chosen studio are affordable to you. However, many gyms now offer classes that are included in your membership, you if you do belong to a gym, check and see if they have classes that work for your schedule. Some communities offer free of reduced rate classes, so check your local magazines or Facebook groups to see if you have any close by that you can attend.
- Independent practice
- If you are advanced or have been practicing yoga for a while, you can always guide yourself through poses. If you are a beginner, get a book that can provide some instructions for beginner poses, or look for articles online that provide pictures to demonstrate poses.
- The benefit here is that you can choose which poses you need for that practice and pick your own music and ambiance. Another benefit is that you can practice anywhere, indoors or out. Pick a location that works for you, whether that is your bedroom, a nearby park, or your backyard, or a porch.
- Pick a hatha-style practice that fits your abilities
- Hatha yoga is a gentle style of practice that has been demonstrated in research to reduce symptoms of depression. Many yoga resources use hatha yoga, so look for this specific type of practice, or look for the terms “for beginners, for relaxation, for stress-relief” when reading descriptions. Other types of yoga are also fine to do if you like, but hatha in particular has been shown to be effective.
- Go for the level that best suits your personal experience, whether that is beginner, intermediate, or advanced.
- Set intentions for practice that promote healing from depression
- Many instructors will encourage you to set an intention for your practice. This is just a way of creating a mental note about where you want your mind to be focused as you practice. When you feel your mind drifting to other thoughts, try to use your intention to center your mind back on just concentration on your breathing or your body.
- You can use a specific phrase or a mantra as your intention. Examples include “Healing”, “Just Breathe”, “Letting go of sadness”, “Letting go of grief”. Repeat your chosen phrase or mantra when your mind is wandering during your practice. For more tips on building a personal mantra, check out this post.
- Journal how you feel throughout the 8 weeks to determine if the practice is helping or if you need to make any adjustments
- Any kind of journaling will do. Just record how you feel and make notes about your mood throughout the day on the days that you practice and try to notice any changes that you feel. The fact that you are taking the time to take care of yourself is therapeutic in itself, so think of journaling as your own personal notes on your progress.
Yoga can be a great addition to your therapeutic efforts towards managing your depression. While it is not a substitute for traditional therapy or the advice of your doctor, it has been shown to be effective in managing symptoms, and therefore can be a beneficial part of an overall plan to manage your depression.
Plus, if you have trouble finding time for yourself, you can know that yoga is part of your symptom management and therefore not just another exercise routine. This might be helpful if you need to let family or others know that you need this time to devote to your practice as part of your need to manage your depression. Put your sessions in your calendar or on the family calendar if it helps you to prioritize your practice.
You can also ask your doctor or therapist for a written recommendation for a yoga practice. That may help if you need to have a personal reminder to commit to your practice, and depending on your insurance you could get reimbursement for class fees, discounts on gym fees, or potentially use your Health Saving Account to help with costs. Just make sure to check your policies to see if that is an option for you.
If you have been struggling with depression, remember that depression is a condition that can treated with strategies including therapy, medication, and adjunct or alternative treatments. Yoga can be an effective strategy to help manage your symptoms and bring some relief from your depression. It can be hard to feel motivated to take care of yourself when you are depressed, but giving yourself the time and attention to focus on your breath and your body can help bring healing to your mind as well.
by rachelthemuse | Sep 17, 2018 | Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Self-care
Sleep can be somewhat of an elusive goal for many of us. There are many factors that contribute to the, frankly, abysmal state of rest in our current society. Lack of quality sleep contributes to a multitude of negative outcomes for individuals, employers, and cultures, yet many factors about our modern society also contribute to unhealthy sleep habits.
For many of us, lack of good quality sleep contributes to an overall lack of a good quality of life. While there may be some things that are out of your control, like your work schedule or your children’s schedules, most of us can make a few small changes to work towards getting a better night’s sleep and a more restful morning.
I will be the first to say that creating a healthy sleep routine is hard. There are many factors that work against me when I’m trying to get a good night’s sleep. I don’t like to hop in the bed and go right to sleep. I have difficulty getting to sleep in perfect silence. I, too, sometimes want to veg out in front of a screen. My mind sometimes races with thoughts of all the crazy stuff happening in the world today. I like my glass of wine in the evenings. I’m tired but I can’t get comfortable. I’m naturally a night person but still have to get up early in the mornings. And on, and on, and on. I get it.
I also know that I feel so much better mentally and physically when I am well-rested. I manage my stress better, I make better food choices, I have more energy for exercise, my mood is better, and I’m more efficient with the tasks I need to accomplish. But don’t just take my word for it that sleep makes you a more healthy and happy individual.
Sleep is a biological need. We need sleep to pay attention, think clearly, perform physical activities accurately, and many other things. Evidence has been building for decades that sleep disruption contributes to weight gain, obesity and associated disorders, and hypertension.
Research also indicate that up to 40 percent of the adult US population sleeps less than 7 hours on weekdays, which has been shown to result in lower levels of alertness and attention. Chronic sleep deprivation may also contribute to excessive use of stimulants like caffeine.
Sleep deprivation is also linked to increased feelings of irritability, anger, hostility, and depression. The good news, though, is that getting quality sleep is also associated with positive effects on mood.
Many people know that they feel better when they get good sleep, but knowing exactly how to exchange poor habits for better ones can be daunting. Here’s a few tips for starting to make some changes that will improve your quality of sleep, even if you can’t always increase the number of hours you actually sleep.
- Assess your habits:
- Do you have a (relatively) regular bed time?
- You don’t have to adhere strictly to a regular bed time every single night, but have a general idea of what time you should be winding down in order to get adequate shut-eye for your specific schedule. If you have more flexibility on the weekends, it’s fine to stay up later and sleep in the next morning, just know how your body reacts to those changes and pay attention to what works for you
- Do you usually fall asleep with some kind of technology (tablet, TV, phone)?
- The evidence shows that blue light in particular, which is the light that comes from your tech, disrupts your sleep and contributes to sleep deprivation. If this is something you’ve made a habit of, it’s going to have to change if you want better sleep. Don’t worry, I’ll give you some strategies for shifting this habit.
- Do you budget enough hours a night for your sleep needs?
- Understandably, you may not always have control of your sleeping and waking hours due to work schedules or other obligations. While we’re all busy these days, you know if there’s some room for adjustment here or not. Yes, you should aim for 8 hours a night most nights, but if 6 or even 5 is what you’ve got, it’s even more important to make sure those hours are quality sleep hours. If you can adjust your schedule to budget a little more time for rest, then try to commit to making that change. Your mind and body will thank you in the long run.
- Do you drink too much alcohol in the evenings?
- Alcohol might help you relax a little in the evenings, but too much can disrupt your sleep. You may find yourself waking up in the middle of the night after the alcohol has metabolized in your system, which is a good indicator that you were actually passed out, not getting good quality sleep. You may also find yourself feeling hungover in the mornings, which is never fun.
- Define your problem areas:
- Do you have difficulty getting to sleep?
- Are you staying up late watching shows or using tech? Or are you struggling with negative thoughts at this time, re-living past traumas or overthinking mistakes you may have made? If this is what is happening, it’s so important to start practicing some mindfulness techniques during this time to calm your mind and prepare your brain for a restful sleep.
- Staying asleep?
- Are you waking up during the night? Is this because of nightmares, or physical discomfort? Can you identify potential sources of mental distress? If there are specific fears or stressors you can identify, journaling before bedtime can help you process and let go of these thoughts before bedtime. If you have recurrent nightmares because of past trauma or emotional factors, please consider going to see a professional counselor or psychiatrist. Processing through your feelings and distress with a therapist may help you release the fears that may be the source of the nightmares.
- Quieting your mind?
- Is your mind racing at night? Are you thinking about every little thing you need to do tomorrow? This is another area where mindfulness practices can help. Try making a list of what you need to do so you can know that you won’t forget anything. Or practice quieting your mind by using meditation apps that you can download and play from your phone
- Becoming tired?
- If you just naturally are a night person due to your personal circadian rhythm, plan to do something that will exhaust you or make you sleepy. For some people, exercise in the evenings helps them relax, for others it is too stimulating so listen to your body to determine whether this will work for you. Alternatively, pick out some reading material that will get your eyelids heavy.
- Find your strategies:
- Personal Hygiene
- Some people are nighttime shower people, other people are morning shower people. Whichever you are, you can still benefit from a little hygiene routine to set you up for a good night’s sleep. Let’s be honest: a nice warm bath with Epsom salt and essential oils is the gold standard. Epsom salt helps you absorb magnesium through your skin, and magnesium helps you sleep at night. But we don’t all have time or ability to take a luxurious bath every night, so we can do some adjusting to compensate. If you are a nighttime shower person, try using aromatherapy in your shower by dropping a few drops of essential oils on your shower floor before you get in. Good oils for night showers are lavender and eucalyptus. If you’re not a nighttime shower person, you can still benefit from using lotions with essential oils, and taking time to wash your face and take care of your skin. All the attention to your body will help your mind feel better when you climb into bed.
- Relaxation tools
- Try a little self-massage. You can get a little hand massager and give yourself a neck rub, or just use a hand-towel that you’ve gotten damp, and then pop it in the microwave for 20 seconds or until it is warm but not super-hot. Be smart here and check the temp before you use the towel on your neck so you don’t scald yourself, but just a little warmth around the back of your neck can help you get into sleep-mode by relaxing those muscles a little. Also, those head massager tools that look like spiders give a really sweet head massage and makes your head feel warm and tingly.
- Meditation Apps
- There are plenty of different kinds of meditation apps out there. Just check out your app store on your phone and search for “meditation apps” and you will find lots of options. Some are free and others cost just a few dollars. There are apps that can specifically guide you to fall asleep, and others that just guide you through mindfulness exercises to quiet your mind.
- Journaling
- Journaling is a great strategy to use if you have trouble with thoughts running through your mind at night or are working through trauma or other emotional stressors. Getting your thoughts out on paper allows you to process and move past difficult emotions, and can provide a sense of relief through releasing difficult thoughts and feelings. You can keep a journal by your bedside, and when you find your mind or thoughts racing, grab it and start writing until you get it all out.
- Essential oils/Aromatherapy
- Aromatherapy is great for preparing for bed. You can use a diffuser to scent your bedroom, starting 30 minutes or so before you get in bed, so that your bedroom smells relaxing and fresh. Good oils for relaxation include lavender, chamomile, and peppermint. There are lots of recipes for diffuser blends on Pinterest and common oils are available in some grocery stores and even Target in the cosmetics section.
- Reading Guidelines
- In general, bedtime reading is something you want to aim to do from a physical book or magazine, rather than on an E-reader like a Nook or Kindle. This is only because of the blue light that emanates from our screens, which can stimulate our brains to think it’s daytime. Again, listen to your body. If your Nook doesn’t keep you up, and reading from it helps get you sleepy, go ahead and use it. But if you find it to be too stimulating, try reading from a good old-fashioned book with a lamp. Also, be mindful of content. If murder mysteries don’t bother you but help you get sleepy, go right ahead. But if you think they might be contributing to those nightmares you’re waking up with, maybe find something less prone to keeping you up.
- Make new habits:
- Decide what strategies you need to use based on your specific barriers to a good night’s rest and then set yourself up for success. Maybe you need to pick up a new journal or some aromatherapy supplies, or check out your app store to find some guided meditation apps.
- Remember that it take 30 days to really build a new habit, so give yourself a chance by committing to try these new strategies for at least 30 days and see if your sleep improves.
- Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day, or if changes don’t happen immediately. Your brain needs time to adjust to new habits and get the full benefit of your efforts. Just keep trying, and listening to your body to find what works for you.
Sleep is essential to good mental health. In fact, for many of my clients, poor sleep is one of the most palpable and immediate ways in which their mental health manifests in their bodies. Stress and anxiety, overwhelming expectations at work, depression and trauma; all of these concerns can affect our quality of sleep and leave us feeling burnt out and exhausted. Sometimes, we avoid dealing with these other mental health concerns until our bodies just shut down and say “Enough! You are going to pay attention to me or you will be sick!” Our bodies frequently give us messages, but we need to pay attention to hear what our bodies are demanding of us. Sleep is an integral part of taking care of your mental health. Use these tips to create a strategy that works for you so that your sleep is restorative enough to help you feel your best, physically and mentally.
by rachelthemuse | Sep 10, 2018 | Alcohol/Substance Use, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Positivity, Self-care
Mindfulness has become sort of a catchall term for general self-help advice that focuses on using different practices to attune better to your mind and actions with the hopes of decreasing stress or associated symptoms. Take time to meditate in the morning. Pay attention to your food when you’re eating. Do a gratitude practice every night. Self-care your stress away. It all sounds good in theory, and certainly won’t do you any harm, but what does the term mindfulness really encompass, and is it really something that could change your life? Or it is just another fad and buzzword in the self-improvement culture of today?
As a therapist, I frequently encourage different types of mindfulness practices to encourage my clients to be intentional about their own lives. Attuning to our bodies and our minds and our habits is an important part of both gaining control over our lives as well as our mentality. I often work with people who have had something terrible, or heartbreaking, or unexpected happen to them, and they are struggling for a sense of control. In those times I am often reminded that sometimes the only thing you have control over is your mentality. Sometimes I get pushback from people who don’t necessarily believe that their mentality is within their own power. Their thoughts are stuck in places that leave them thinking:
- How can I help the way I feel?
- What I believe is what I believe, there’s no changing it.
- How can changing my mentality change my circumstances?
- Thinking about my mentality doesn’t change the problems I’m facing.
I can understand why it might sound like a load of new age fluff when people start talking about mindfulness. We have become accustomed to solutions that start and end with well-defined explanations and prescriptions. We like to be able to have a blood test tell us exactly what’s wrong and what treatment is needed to fix the issue. Unfortunately, our minds can be even more mysterious than our bodies are, at least in this day and age. The good news is that our minds are also a lot more powerful than we might believe, and that means that we can use our mentality to improve our overall sense of wellbeing.
I wanted to find out what we really know about mindfulness, and what the evidence says about whether or not it works. Researchers have been studying mindfulness based practices for over 30 years now, and studies have investigated mindfulness as a treatment for conditions such as addiction, trauma recovery, stress, chronic pain, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and more. There was no shortage of research to comb through devoted to mindfulness and it’s various applications, but the results were pretty consistent. Of course, with large bodies of research on a topic as broad as mindfulness, there are going to be variations in the results that studies present. I found the results optimistic, though. There is consistent evidence that when people are introduced to mindfulness based practices as a way to improve symptoms related to various stressors, they report good outcomes when they apply that knowledge.
Because mindfulness practices can be broad in terms of the actual strategies they refer to, here’s a few ideas about what people are referring to when they use that term:
- Deep-breathing practices
- Meditation (guided or self)
- Attuning to senses
- Intentional gratitude practices
- Night-time de-stressing rituals
- Conscious attention to mentality
- Intentional eating practices
Much of the research out there on mindfulness focuses on using one or more of these practices in a specific setting with a specific group of people. So the ways in which this area has been studied lends itself to a lot of different outcomes for a lot of different kinds of people with different kinds of problems. Nevertheless, I found a lot of examples of some really great ways that mindfulness practices are having a positive impact on people.
A study on mindfulness and addiction published this year found that mindfulness based interventions (MBIs) had a significant effect on cravings and substance misuse in treatment for addictions. This is a great example of how mindfulness practices can function as an auxiliary treatment for people. The goal of a mindfulness practices is not necessarily to serve as a replacement for other therapies, but it can be a good asset to use in addition to other treatment, and can function as a sort of enhancer. It may just give people an extra boost when they are seeking help for addictions or other mental health conditions.
Another encouraging example includes this study from PLOS One, which found that over a 6 year period in which medical and psychology students were introduced to mindfulness practices, the students reported significant increases in measures of their wellbeing. This is especially important given the high rates of mental distress, burnout, and suicide amongst medical professionals. As a person in a caregiving profession myself, I know how important it is to maintain a healthy mentality and how overwhelming the stress can get. It’s good to know more evidence is showing how important it is for caregivers to be given the resources and support to incorporate these practices themselves.
Another study from the International Journal of Occupational and Environmental Health found more evidence that introducing mindfulness in the workplace decreased burnout and reduced stress. This research supports my personal belief that employers should do more to help mitigate stress in the workplace and support the health of their employees by taking it upon themselves to bring stress reduction into the workplace environment. Not only do I believe this will improve employee health and help workers be happier in their work environments, I think it will make workplaces more efficient as well.
There is a lot more research out there on the topic, which I will be working on delving into more this month. However, these studies are a few examples of the research support out there for bringing mindfulness practices into our lives. Our lives have gotten so much more harried and complicated, and sometimes our choices seem out of our control. That’s why mindfulness is helpful in bringing a sense of focus and calm to your mentality, so that you feel more capable of handling whatever life happens to be throwing at you at the moment.
Mindfulness alone cannot solve every problem that you may have, but becoming more intentional about taking care of your mind and staying tuned in to how your mentality impacts your overall mood could help you stick to your goals and keep negativity at bay.
by rachelthemuse | Aug 8, 2018 | Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Motivation, Positivity, Self-care
Having a personal mantra is something that everyone can benefit from. When I work with people who have struggled with self-esteem, feelings of anxiety or even feelings of grief or depression, I have often encouraged clients to develop a personal mantra as a way of staying centered, focused, and calm in the face of difficult emotions. Having a personal mantra can help you when you begin to feel overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated or defeated. One great thing about personal mantras is that you don’t have to have just one, and you don’t even have to make it up yourself.
Take, for example, the Serenity Prayer. This is a common mantra that is used in addiction recovery circles and elsewhere, and it basically says: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” [original credit from the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr]. Your mantra can be something like this, an inspirational quote with a spiritual focus, or it can be completely different. You could use a song lyric that particularly speaks to you, or something your mother told you frequently when you were growing up that still resonates with you today. The power of a mantra is in its ability to help you focus your mental energy in a positive direction when you need to transition out of negative thought patterns. People often turn to inspirational quotes or wise old sayings in order to provide some comfort and hope during times of struggle (i.e: “this too, shall pass”).
Creating a personal mantra is just about using the messages that resonate most with you and provide you with encouragement and hope when you need a mental re-set. It serves as a source of positive affirmation and directs you to put your energy in a more productive direction. Whatever words you decide to use for your personal mantra, claim them! Decide that this is your new mantra and you are going to use that positive affirmation to help you through your current struggles or to keep you inspired. You don’t have to go around telling everyone, just make sure you internalize that message and use it when you need to.
Tips for creating and using a personal mantra:
– Think about your favorite inspirational quotes, song lyrics from your favorite artists, or words of wisdom you have heard or picked up on from other people you know, OR just make something up and inspire yourself
– Make your mantra short and easy to remember
– Make sure your mantra reflects something you actually BELIEVE
– Ensure that the mantras you will use are positive, uplifting, and encouraging (avoid picking something like “Life sucks and then you die”)
– Post visual images of your mantra in places where you will see it (in your wallet, on your bedroom mirror, on the wallpaper of your computer screen)
– Set a daily reminder to reflect on your mantra at a useful time such as when you first get up in the morning, or before you step into that dreaded Monday meeting that always sours your mood
– Keep repeating the mantra to yourself silently when you are struggling
– Pick more than one if needed
– You can use one for times when you are overwhelmed (“Serenity Now!”), and another for times you need to be inspired (“I can create the life that I want”)
I have several mantras that I use a various times in my life, but just to share, one that I use is “Get out of the Pool”. This phrase is connected to an analogy I use with my clients sometimes, referring to drowning in a pool of self-doubt or negative self-talk. It means that when I feel like I am lingering too long in self-doubt or negative thoughts, I need to get out of that pool before I drown. Sometimes I have to remind myself to get out of the pool, because I’m wasting my times there and it’s not helping me in any positive or tangible way to keep marinating in that self-doubt.
Once you start intentionally incorporating your personal mantra in your life, you will find that its power will grow. Changing our thought patterns and our limiting beliefs can be done, but you must make a conscious decision that you will actively work to re-focus your energy in a positive direction. You do not have to change everything in your life overnight but starting to use a personal mantra will help you shift your energy and focus in a way that will feel more empowering and will help you get through those times when your thoughts feel like they are controlling you instead of the other way around.
This post originally appeared on Medium.com.
by rachelthemuse | Jul 23, 2018 | Cognitive Distortions, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Self-care
This post is going to be the first in a series of posts that I will be doing about Cognitive Distortions. Cognitive distortions are basically little mind games we engage in, or tricks that we play on ourselves that distort how we think about the situations we are in or how we interpret events that happen to us. They can be self-limiting and cause us distress because we are using our emotions to create a narrative that may not be truly accurate. We all fall victim to these cognitive distortions from time to time, but as individuals we may engage in one or more cognitive distortions regularly, so it can be helpful to recognize when we have an ingrained pattern of thinking that is distorted and needs to be changed in order to increase our mental wellness and have a healthy mentality. Today I’m going to talk about a very common cognitive distortion that I have found many of my clients identify with when we talk about these mental tricks we play on ourselves: Catastrophizing.
Catastrophizing basically happens when we take a situation and either make it have more significance than it really deserves (turn it into a catastrophe when it doesn’t have to be) or we predict that a catastrophe is going to occur before we really know the outcome of a situation. Basically this means that you are always expecting the worst case scenarios, and you may take ordinary problems and interpret them in ways that become overwhelming and seem insurmountable.
We often cannot see the positive in a given situation when we are in the midst of a crisis. Yet given time, many situations that we stress and worry about will resolve themselves with time, or you can solve the problem with a little effort. To give you an example, I will discuss a common situation that I ran into with clients: those who were being separated from the military. Being separated from the military can be extremely stressful because it entails a huge shift in your lifestyle. You go from having the military basically be in charge of all major decisions in your life (where you live, for how long, what job you have, where you get benefits for your family from) to being out on your own and in need of a job that provides some of the stability and security that the military provided while you were active duty. In the best of circumstances you have a chance to plan ahead and move forward with those plans when your separation date approaches. However, not everyone gets a lot of advance notice. Sometimes people get separated because of an injury or disability, sometimes people don’t get higher tenure and have to separate, some people don’t make the fitness requirements and have to separate, or they get into trouble because of behavioral problems and face involuntary separation. Regardless of the reason they have to separate they are losing their job. Anyone can understand how stressful and difficult it must feel to know that you are about to lose your job, income, and benefits.
However, just as with everything else in life, we can choose how to interpret and cope with this information. You can argue that being involuntarily separated from the military is, indeed, a catastrophe. That is how many of my clients interpreted their situation when they realized that separation was a possibility. However, once we dug a little deeper into their options, the situation was not always so catastrophic. In fact, we often discovered that separating from the military could end up being a positive change that propelled their lives forward in ways that helped them pursue their higher goals. They realized that they would finally have time to go back to school to pursue other career goals, or they realized that they would no longer have to deal with stress of deployments, the separation from their family, or the grueling schedules they had been keeping. Once we were able to process through their options and find the best path for them to move forward, separation didn’t have to be such a catastrophe. Certainly the adjustment would still be stressful, but it didn’t mean that their lives or their careers were over with. Re-framing the situation to look for opportunities instead of looking only at the catastrophic event of involuntary separation helped them to put their energy into making plans for their future instead of ruminating on the looming changes in a negative way and thinking about all the things they would not have access to anymore. The situation hadn’t changed at all, but the way we were looking at it had.
This is a powerful shift that anyone can do. If you find that you often interpret events that happen as a total catastrophe that you have no control over and can only result in terrible things, or presume that the worst possible outcome will indeed occur, think about how much distress this way of thinking is causing you. Look for your choices. We always have choices, even when we feel that we don’t. The reason this is true is because even in the worst situations, where there appear to be no choices, we always have a choice about our mentality. Sometimes our mind is the only thing we CAN control, and so that’s why it’s so important to make sure your mentality is healthy. Few people get through life without some major hurdles, so we all will come face to face with difficult circumstances or unexpected setbacks. However, choosing to look at a situation and decide that it is a catastrophe will only increase your suffering, and doesn’t help you resolve the issue. Recognizing this pattern and learning to look for your choices will help you to stop turning ordinary problems into overwhelming disasters. Cognitive distortions don’t do us any favors. They may be common, but they don’t have to rule over our emotions if we don’t let them. Ask yourself what difference this situation might make to you in a year, or 5 years. Chances are, many situations are going to be resolved and you will have moved past them by that time, or you may have to make some adjustments in your life. Of course there may be times when an actual catastrophe happens, but that just means you need to reserve your energy and focus to deal with the major problems that you WILL have to deal with, and stop letting ordinary situations (like your boss criticizing your work performance) have undue influence over your mood and happiness.
