by rachelthemuse | Sep 17, 2018 | Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Self-care
Sleep can be somewhat of an elusive goal for many of us. There are many factors that contribute to the, frankly, abysmal state of rest in our current society. Lack of quality sleep contributes to a multitude of negative outcomes for individuals, employers, and cultures, yet many factors about our modern society also contribute to unhealthy sleep habits.
For many of us, lack of good quality sleep contributes to an overall lack of a good quality of life. While there may be some things that are out of your control, like your work schedule or your children’s schedules, most of us can make a few small changes to work towards getting a better night’s sleep and a more restful morning.
I will be the first to say that creating a healthy sleep routine is hard. There are many factors that work against me when I’m trying to get a good night’s sleep. I don’t like to hop in the bed and go right to sleep. I have difficulty getting to sleep in perfect silence. I, too, sometimes want to veg out in front of a screen. My mind sometimes races with thoughts of all the crazy stuff happening in the world today. I like my glass of wine in the evenings. I’m tired but I can’t get comfortable. I’m naturally a night person but still have to get up early in the mornings. And on, and on, and on. I get it.
I also know that I feel so much better mentally and physically when I am well-rested. I manage my stress better, I make better food choices, I have more energy for exercise, my mood is better, and I’m more efficient with the tasks I need to accomplish. But don’t just take my word for it that sleep makes you a more healthy and happy individual.
Sleep is a biological need. We need sleep to pay attention, think clearly, perform physical activities accurately, and many other things. Evidence has been building for decades that sleep disruption contributes to weight gain, obesity and associated disorders, and hypertension.
Research also indicate that up to 40 percent of the adult US population sleeps less than 7 hours on weekdays, which has been shown to result in lower levels of alertness and attention. Chronic sleep deprivation may also contribute to excessive use of stimulants like caffeine.
Sleep deprivation is also linked to increased feelings of irritability, anger, hostility, and depression. The good news, though, is that getting quality sleep is also associated with positive effects on mood.
Many people know that they feel better when they get good sleep, but knowing exactly how to exchange poor habits for better ones can be daunting. Here’s a few tips for starting to make some changes that will improve your quality of sleep, even if you can’t always increase the number of hours you actually sleep.
- Assess your habits:
- Do you have a (relatively) regular bed time?
- You don’t have to adhere strictly to a regular bed time every single night, but have a general idea of what time you should be winding down in order to get adequate shut-eye for your specific schedule. If you have more flexibility on the weekends, it’s fine to stay up later and sleep in the next morning, just know how your body reacts to those changes and pay attention to what works for you
- Do you usually fall asleep with some kind of technology (tablet, TV, phone)?
- The evidence shows that blue light in particular, which is the light that comes from your tech, disrupts your sleep and contributes to sleep deprivation. If this is something you’ve made a habit of, it’s going to have to change if you want better sleep. Don’t worry, I’ll give you some strategies for shifting this habit.
- Do you budget enough hours a night for your sleep needs?
- Understandably, you may not always have control of your sleeping and waking hours due to work schedules or other obligations. While we’re all busy these days, you know if there’s some room for adjustment here or not. Yes, you should aim for 8 hours a night most nights, but if 6 or even 5 is what you’ve got, it’s even more important to make sure those hours are quality sleep hours. If you can adjust your schedule to budget a little more time for rest, then try to commit to making that change. Your mind and body will thank you in the long run.
- Do you drink too much alcohol in the evenings?
- Alcohol might help you relax a little in the evenings, but too much can disrupt your sleep. You may find yourself waking up in the middle of the night after the alcohol has metabolized in your system, which is a good indicator that you were actually passed out, not getting good quality sleep. You may also find yourself feeling hungover in the mornings, which is never fun.
- Define your problem areas:
- Do you have difficulty getting to sleep?
- Are you staying up late watching shows or using tech? Or are you struggling with negative thoughts at this time, re-living past traumas or overthinking mistakes you may have made? If this is what is happening, it’s so important to start practicing some mindfulness techniques during this time to calm your mind and prepare your brain for a restful sleep.
- Staying asleep?
- Are you waking up during the night? Is this because of nightmares, or physical discomfort? Can you identify potential sources of mental distress? If there are specific fears or stressors you can identify, journaling before bedtime can help you process and let go of these thoughts before bedtime. If you have recurrent nightmares because of past trauma or emotional factors, please consider going to see a professional counselor or psychiatrist. Processing through your feelings and distress with a therapist may help you release the fears that may be the source of the nightmares.
- Quieting your mind?
- Is your mind racing at night? Are you thinking about every little thing you need to do tomorrow? This is another area where mindfulness practices can help. Try making a list of what you need to do so you can know that you won’t forget anything. Or practice quieting your mind by using meditation apps that you can download and play from your phone
- Becoming tired?
- If you just naturally are a night person due to your personal circadian rhythm, plan to do something that will exhaust you or make you sleepy. For some people, exercise in the evenings helps them relax, for others it is too stimulating so listen to your body to determine whether this will work for you. Alternatively, pick out some reading material that will get your eyelids heavy.
- Find your strategies:
- Personal Hygiene
- Some people are nighttime shower people, other people are morning shower people. Whichever you are, you can still benefit from a little hygiene routine to set you up for a good night’s sleep. Let’s be honest: a nice warm bath with Epsom salt and essential oils is the gold standard. Epsom salt helps you absorb magnesium through your skin, and magnesium helps you sleep at night. But we don’t all have time or ability to take a luxurious bath every night, so we can do some adjusting to compensate. If you are a nighttime shower person, try using aromatherapy in your shower by dropping a few drops of essential oils on your shower floor before you get in. Good oils for night showers are lavender and eucalyptus. If you’re not a nighttime shower person, you can still benefit from using lotions with essential oils, and taking time to wash your face and take care of your skin. All the attention to your body will help your mind feel better when you climb into bed.
- Relaxation tools
- Try a little self-massage. You can get a little hand massager and give yourself a neck rub, or just use a hand-towel that you’ve gotten damp, and then pop it in the microwave for 20 seconds or until it is warm but not super-hot. Be smart here and check the temp before you use the towel on your neck so you don’t scald yourself, but just a little warmth around the back of your neck can help you get into sleep-mode by relaxing those muscles a little. Also, those head massager tools that look like spiders give a really sweet head massage and makes your head feel warm and tingly.
- Meditation Apps
- There are plenty of different kinds of meditation apps out there. Just check out your app store on your phone and search for “meditation apps” and you will find lots of options. Some are free and others cost just a few dollars. There are apps that can specifically guide you to fall asleep, and others that just guide you through mindfulness exercises to quiet your mind.
- Journaling
- Journaling is a great strategy to use if you have trouble with thoughts running through your mind at night or are working through trauma or other emotional stressors. Getting your thoughts out on paper allows you to process and move past difficult emotions, and can provide a sense of relief through releasing difficult thoughts and feelings. You can keep a journal by your bedside, and when you find your mind or thoughts racing, grab it and start writing until you get it all out.
- Essential oils/Aromatherapy
- Aromatherapy is great for preparing for bed. You can use a diffuser to scent your bedroom, starting 30 minutes or so before you get in bed, so that your bedroom smells relaxing and fresh. Good oils for relaxation include lavender, chamomile, and peppermint. There are lots of recipes for diffuser blends on Pinterest and common oils are available in some grocery stores and even Target in the cosmetics section.
- Reading Guidelines
- In general, bedtime reading is something you want to aim to do from a physical book or magazine, rather than on an E-reader like a Nook or Kindle. This is only because of the blue light that emanates from our screens, which can stimulate our brains to think it’s daytime. Again, listen to your body. If your Nook doesn’t keep you up, and reading from it helps get you sleepy, go ahead and use it. But if you find it to be too stimulating, try reading from a good old-fashioned book with a lamp. Also, be mindful of content. If murder mysteries don’t bother you but help you get sleepy, go right ahead. But if you think they might be contributing to those nightmares you’re waking up with, maybe find something less prone to keeping you up.
- Make new habits:
- Decide what strategies you need to use based on your specific barriers to a good night’s rest and then set yourself up for success. Maybe you need to pick up a new journal or some aromatherapy supplies, or check out your app store to find some guided meditation apps.
- Remember that it take 30 days to really build a new habit, so give yourself a chance by committing to try these new strategies for at least 30 days and see if your sleep improves.
- Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day, or if changes don’t happen immediately. Your brain needs time to adjust to new habits and get the full benefit of your efforts. Just keep trying, and listening to your body to find what works for you.
Sleep is essential to good mental health. In fact, for many of my clients, poor sleep is one of the most palpable and immediate ways in which their mental health manifests in their bodies. Stress and anxiety, overwhelming expectations at work, depression and trauma; all of these concerns can affect our quality of sleep and leave us feeling burnt out and exhausted. Sometimes, we avoid dealing with these other mental health concerns until our bodies just shut down and say “Enough! You are going to pay attention to me or you will be sick!” Our bodies frequently give us messages, but we need to pay attention to hear what our bodies are demanding of us. Sleep is an integral part of taking care of your mental health. Use these tips to create a strategy that works for you so that your sleep is restorative enough to help you feel your best, physically and mentally.
by rachelthemuse | Sep 10, 2018 | Alcohol/Substance Use, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Positivity, Self-care
Mindfulness has become sort of a catchall term for general self-help advice that focuses on using different practices to attune better to your mind and actions with the hopes of decreasing stress or associated symptoms. Take time to meditate in the morning. Pay attention to your food when you’re eating. Do a gratitude practice every night. Self-care your stress away. It all sounds good in theory, and certainly won’t do you any harm, but what does the term mindfulness really encompass, and is it really something that could change your life? Or it is just another fad and buzzword in the self-improvement culture of today?
As a therapist, I frequently encourage different types of mindfulness practices to encourage my clients to be intentional about their own lives. Attuning to our bodies and our minds and our habits is an important part of both gaining control over our lives as well as our mentality. I often work with people who have had something terrible, or heartbreaking, or unexpected happen to them, and they are struggling for a sense of control. In those times I am often reminded that sometimes the only thing you have control over is your mentality. Sometimes I get pushback from people who don’t necessarily believe that their mentality is within their own power. Their thoughts are stuck in places that leave them thinking:
- How can I help the way I feel?
- What I believe is what I believe, there’s no changing it.
- How can changing my mentality change my circumstances?
- Thinking about my mentality doesn’t change the problems I’m facing.
I can understand why it might sound like a load of new age fluff when people start talking about mindfulness. We have become accustomed to solutions that start and end with well-defined explanations and prescriptions. We like to be able to have a blood test tell us exactly what’s wrong and what treatment is needed to fix the issue. Unfortunately, our minds can be even more mysterious than our bodies are, at least in this day and age. The good news is that our minds are also a lot more powerful than we might believe, and that means that we can use our mentality to improve our overall sense of wellbeing.
I wanted to find out what we really know about mindfulness, and what the evidence says about whether or not it works. Researchers have been studying mindfulness based practices for over 30 years now, and studies have investigated mindfulness as a treatment for conditions such as addiction, trauma recovery, stress, chronic pain, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and more. There was no shortage of research to comb through devoted to mindfulness and it’s various applications, but the results were pretty consistent. Of course, with large bodies of research on a topic as broad as mindfulness, there are going to be variations in the results that studies present. I found the results optimistic, though. There is consistent evidence that when people are introduced to mindfulness based practices as a way to improve symptoms related to various stressors, they report good outcomes when they apply that knowledge.
Because mindfulness practices can be broad in terms of the actual strategies they refer to, here’s a few ideas about what people are referring to when they use that term:
- Deep-breathing practices
- Meditation (guided or self)
- Attuning to senses
- Intentional gratitude practices
- Night-time de-stressing rituals
- Conscious attention to mentality
- Intentional eating practices
Much of the research out there on mindfulness focuses on using one or more of these practices in a specific setting with a specific group of people. So the ways in which this area has been studied lends itself to a lot of different outcomes for a lot of different kinds of people with different kinds of problems. Nevertheless, I found a lot of examples of some really great ways that mindfulness practices are having a positive impact on people.
A study on mindfulness and addiction published this year found that mindfulness based interventions (MBIs) had a significant effect on cravings and substance misuse in treatment for addictions. This is a great example of how mindfulness practices can function as an auxiliary treatment for people. The goal of a mindfulness practices is not necessarily to serve as a replacement for other therapies, but it can be a good asset to use in addition to other treatment, and can function as a sort of enhancer. It may just give people an extra boost when they are seeking help for addictions or other mental health conditions.
Another encouraging example includes this study from PLOS One, which found that over a 6 year period in which medical and psychology students were introduced to mindfulness practices, the students reported significant increases in measures of their wellbeing. This is especially important given the high rates of mental distress, burnout, and suicide amongst medical professionals. As a person in a caregiving profession myself, I know how important it is to maintain a healthy mentality and how overwhelming the stress can get. It’s good to know more evidence is showing how important it is for caregivers to be given the resources and support to incorporate these practices themselves.
Another study from the International Journal of Occupational and Environmental Health found more evidence that introducing mindfulness in the workplace decreased burnout and reduced stress. This research supports my personal belief that employers should do more to help mitigate stress in the workplace and support the health of their employees by taking it upon themselves to bring stress reduction into the workplace environment. Not only do I believe this will improve employee health and help workers be happier in their work environments, I think it will make workplaces more efficient as well.
There is a lot more research out there on the topic, which I will be working on delving into more this month. However, these studies are a few examples of the research support out there for bringing mindfulness practices into our lives. Our lives have gotten so much more harried and complicated, and sometimes our choices seem out of our control. That’s why mindfulness is helpful in bringing a sense of focus and calm to your mentality, so that you feel more capable of handling whatever life happens to be throwing at you at the moment.
Mindfulness alone cannot solve every problem that you may have, but becoming more intentional about taking care of your mind and staying tuned in to how your mentality impacts your overall mood could help you stick to your goals and keep negativity at bay.
by rachelthemuse | Sep 4, 2018 | Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Motivation, Positivity, Self-care
When you are experiencing overwhelming anxiety, or even having a panic attack, sensory distraction can help you re-focus your energy somewhere other than the distress you are feeling. It’s a technique that involves using your senses to distract you long enough for you to calm down or regain your composure. I’m going to discuss a few ways to utilize these techniques and give you some examples so that you can have some extra skills for self-soothing.
You have 5 senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, all of which can be used to help you re-focus and calm down when you are having high stress moments. For each of these there are at least a few ways that you can stimulate your senses to help you distract during high moments of stress or anxiety. I often recommend these techniques for my clients who are trying to find non-medical ways of coping with anxiety and panic attacks.
Sight
There are a couple ways you can use sight as a sensory distraction. You can walk outside and start looking around you and focusing on what you see, preferably natural objects, like branches swaying in the wind or clouds moving through the sky. Start to really look for details and try to absorb as much information through your visual observations as possible. Trying to concentrate and store information will challenge your brain to focus it’s energy on something else besides the distress you are feeling at the moment. You could also choose a photograph, piece of artwork or another type of image or object that you find to be symbolic to you. This could be a picture of a relative or family member you love, or something with religious or spiritual significance to you. Just find something that you can look at to remind yourself to center and shift your focus outside of the current moment.
Sound
Music is an excellent way to use sensory distraction. However, choose your music wisely. If you are feeling depressed and you go turn on your sad music, you’re not going to feel better. With music we want to think about using opposites. If you are angry or anxious, listen to something uplifting or calming. If you are feeling depressed, turn up your favorite feel good music. Another way to use sound is through the use of meditation apps, audiobooks, or podcasts. Again, think about your choices here. Don’t exacerbate your current distress by listening to something that will further your feelings of anger, anxiety, or sadness. Use an app to calm down with guided meditation, listen to a motivational audiobook, or subscribe to a podcast with a positive theme.
Smell
Using smell as a sensory distraction can be very beneficial. Essential oils are great for this part. Good essential oils to use for calming include Lavender Essential Oil, Frankincense Essential Oil 
, andBlack Spruce Essential Oil 
. You can actually just grab the bottle and inhale the scents from there, or you could use them in an essential oil diffuser
. You can apply on your skin too, but you may need to dilute it with a carrier oil like coconut oil before rubbing directly on your skin. Carry a small bottle of lavender with you for quick aromatherapy whenever you need it.
Taste
For this sense, you can think of it in terms of temperature, and focus on either drinking a very cold glass of water or a hot cup of tea. Alternatively, you could suck or chew on a piece of ice. Cooling your body temperature may help calm you down some. You could also try chewing gum or bubble gum, to get more sensation on your tongue and again bring your energy to a different place of focus.
Touch
For touch, you could always just grab a stress ball and squeeze away. However, one technique I’ve found can be useful is running your wrists under cold water. Just turn on the faucet and let cool water run over your pulse points, and it may help calm you down by lowering your body temperature slightly and giving you a peaceful sensation on your wrists. You could also use ice for this, either by rubbing ice on your wrist or perhaps your neck and chest. If you have a history of self-harming behaviors, using ice as an alternative to cutting is a good strategy, or you can also use the rubber-band snap method. That just involves wearing a rubber-band on your wrist and snapping it occasionally or when needed to provide an instantaneous re-direction of your focus towards the snapping sensation on your skin. As always, be mindful of what works for you as an individual. With a history of self-harm, you want to make sure this is going to be helpful rather than triggering, so use your own best judgement as to what techniques might be most helpful to you and follow your instincts.
Using these techniques may help you pull some energy away from the feelings of anxiety or panic you are experiencing. By focusing attention to our senses, we give our bodies a chance to let go of that anxiety and re-direct our energy towards something more positive or healing. When managing anxiety, you will benefit from having multiple resources to pull from in order to build your set of coping skills. These techniques can be part of your overall strategy to help manage your symptoms.
by rachelthemuse | Aug 27, 2018 | Cognitive Distortions, Emotional Intelligence, Friendship, Mental Health, Positivity
As part of my ongoing series about cognitive distortions, I’m going address Emotional Reasoning in this post. Emotional reasoning refers to the mistaken belief that everything you feel must be true. In this way, we can sometimes trick ourselves into believing that our feelings are facts. To the contrary, sometimes our emotions cloud our judgement, and we don’t always read the situation correctly when we allow our emotions to affect our interpretation of the situation we are in. Sometimes we need to step back from our emotional response to a situation and try to see if our emotions are taking us to a conclusion that may not be really true.
Here are some examples of emotional reasoning and thoughts that may occur when you might need to think twice about whether or not what you feel is really true:
- “ I feel rejected and hurt, and therefore you have rejected me”
- In this case, someone may or may not have rejected you. A person may have been trying to set boundaries with you by telling you not to call repeatedly when they are unavailable. Your feelings of rejection may be due to insecurities you have, but you also need to respect the boundaries other people set in their own lives and relationships. Or perhaps you were passed over for a job offer, and you were one qualified candidate in a competitive position, but fell short of the final cut. This doesn’t mean the company didn’t think you would have done a good job or that your skill set wasn’t valuable.
- “I feel like a bad friend, therefore I must be a bad friend.”
- Sometimes you may judge yourself too harshly for making a mistake. Being human, you’re bound to do things you regret from time to time, but this doesn’t make you a terrible person. When you do make mistakes, try to own up to them and repair the damage when you can, but don’t believe that you are defined by every mistake you’ve ever made.
- “I feel lonely, therefore no one cares about me”
- It’s hard to face problems on your own when you don’t have much support from others. However, sometimes we can get to feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of reaching out to others when we feel vulnerable and need support. Oftentimes, it’s easier to sit with our feelings by ourselves than acknowledge that we need help. However it’s important to reach out to your support system when you can. Sometimes, your friends and family may not know that you are struggling, but would want to be there for you if they could. It’s important when you feel this way to step back from your emotions and try to account for the support that you DO have, even if it’s not in the most likely places.
- “I’m angry with you, therefore you must have done something wrong.”
- Anger is difficult to step back from, but it’s very important that you understand where your anger is coming from and how much control you have over it. Sometimes we get angry with others for things that cause us distress, but often times anger is really a reflection of how we’re feelings about ourselves. For example, you may feel angry at your partner for not doing something you expected from them, but you never actually verbalized what you needed. You feel angry that your partner didn’t anticipate your needs, but you may not recognize that it was your responsibility to communicate your needs to your partner.
- “I feel worthless, therefore I am worthless.”
- Self-esteem can be a struggle if you have been suffering from a mental illness or have experienced trauma in your life. It can be hard to separate your feelings of low self-worth from your outlook on life, but this is where it’s important to take stock in what your values are. Sometimes we give other people more courtesy than we give ourselves. Whenever you find yourself struggling with negative thoughts about yourself, ask yourself who gave you those messages about yourself and if you would say those things to someone that you cared about. If you wouldn’t tell someone you care about that they are worthless, than you shouldn’t say those things to yourself. Feeling down or struggling with the situation you are in at this moment doesn’t mean that you have to listen to thoughts that make you feel worse about yourself.
Sometimes we get so caught up in our emotions that we choose to ignore evidence that goes against how we feel. So maybe your friend sent you an invitation to an event on Facebook, but because she didn’t reach out personally to make sure you were coming you still choose to believe she doesn’t really care if you come hang out or not. Or perhaps you become overwhelmed with a presentation you have to give at work, and take this to mean that you must be in over your head and you’re not cut out for the job, despite the fact that your supervisor picked you for the project.
If you think you might be engaging in emotional reasoning and you want to make sure you are not letting your emotions cloud your judgment of the situation, ask yourself a few questions:
- Am I overlooking my strengths?
- Am I discounting evidence that would lead me to reach a different conclusion?
- Am I basing my conclusions on my emotions or facts?
- What would you say to a friend that was in your situation?
- Am I struggling to give myself the same advice that I would give to my friend?
These questions will help you evaluate your situation with more clarity and determine if emotional reasoning is getting in the way of your progress. Emotions are important, and we shouldn’t just ignore them. But keep in mind that relying on our emotions to guide us doesn’t always give us the full picture of what’s happening and what all of our options are. Don’t forget that you are in charge of your mentality, even when it gets overwhelming.
For more on Cognitive Distortions, check out the other posts in this series:
Cognitive Distortions 3.0: Personalization
Cognitive Distortions 2.0: Disqualifying the Positive
Coping with Cognitive Distortions: Catastrophizing
by rachelthemuse | Aug 13, 2018 | Cognitive Distortions, Emotional Intelligence, Motivation, Self-care
This is the 3rd post in my series about Cognitive Distortions, and I am going to cover Personalization. This is a distortion that can include believing that you are responsible for things outside of your control, or it could also mean interpreting things in a way that always reflects back on you. As with all cognitive distortions, this may be something that we have all done once in a while, but if you find that you get in the habit of taking things personally when you don’t really need to, you may want to reflect on how you’re thinking about events that happen around you.
On the first part, believing that you are responsible for things that are actually out of your control, you might feel a sense of guilt or shame about things that are not your fault or that you couldn’t have controlled. For example, if your partner is struggling with a health condition, but isn’t following their treatment recommendations, and you then feel responsible for not doing enough to help when their health declines. Supporting your partner doesn’t mean that you have to take responsibility for things that are out of your control. It’s always important to understand what you do have control over, because we all need to be able to take responsibility for our own actions and choices when we can. Yet we also need to understand when something is out of our control, and recognize our own limitations.
The second part of Personalization is when you turn things around to reflect on you when an event or situation may not be about you at all. Sometimes this comes from a sense of insecurity or anxiety. For example, if you walk into the break room at work, and everyone stops talking, and you mistakenly start to believe that everyone must be talking about you behind your back. In reality, that could have happened for any number of reasons. Maybe they were discussing something private, or maybe it was just one of those weird moments when the room goes quiet. Regardless, if you don’t know for certain what’s going on, you don’t have to waste your energy worrying about it. Sometimes we think situaitons are about us when they really are not. One thing to consider is that most of the time, other people are worried about themselves and thinking about themselves. This just means that most of the time they’re not thinking or worrying about you. Of course there are people who spend their time focused on other people, and in general you don’t want to spend too much time involved with people who gossip or are just snarky in general. Even when someone is treating you poorly, their behavior is about them, not you. It’s easier to handle difficult people when you realize that the way they treat others is actually a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Most of the time, you won’t be able to do anything to change those kinds of people, so you just need to focus on being the kind of person you want be.
If you find that you are often personalizing situations at times when you don’t need to, reflect on why you think this has become a pattern. You may need to ask yourself why you feel responsible for things that you cannot control, or if you are holding yourself to a high standard that no one could realistically meet. Sometimes you may need to ask yourself “is this really about me?” to get a better understanding of a situation and understand how much control you really have. Try to practice asking yourself some of these questions when you are thinking about a situation and believe that it is about you or something you did. If you think that insecurity or anxiety is playing a role in how you are interpreting a situation, you can practice reminding yourself that you are working on not personalizing situations. This is one of those times when I will often recommend developing a personal mantra. A mantra can be any simple phrase that you use to center your thoughts and help clear your mind of negativity. It could be as simple as something like “Peace,” or it could be something more specific. For more on developing a personal mantra, see this post:
The Power of a Personal Mantra
Changing patterns of thinking can be challenging, but the good news is that with practice it becomes easier. Once you are used to reflecting on your thoughts and taking more control over your own mindset, you will be building your emotional intelligence and you will feel more in control over your mentality and your moods.
For more about cognitive distortions, see my other posts in this series:
Coping with Cognitive Distortions: Catastrophizing
Cognitive Distortions 2.0: Disqualifying the Positive
, andBlack Spruce Essential Oil 
. You can actually just grab the bottle and inhale the scents from there, or you could use them in an essential oil diffuser
. You can apply on your skin too, but you may need to dilute it with a carrier oil like coconut oil before rubbing directly on your skin. Carry a small bottle of lavender with you for quick aromatherapy whenever you need it.